For Her

"Some people come into our lives and quickly go.
Some people move our souls to dance. They awaken us to
new understanding with the passing whisper of their wisdom.
Some people make the sky more beautiful to gaze upon.
They stay in our lives for awhile, leave footprints
on our hearts, and we are never ever the same."
~ Flavia Weedn

They say you cannot personalize a career position where your heart is in jeopardy of becoming close to someone you may lose...Considering I work with the elderly, this chance is a high one. Ive always tried to maintain my distance, though there are a few people who have become huge influences on the way I live my life.

Tomorrow one of my favorite residents that I have ever cared for will be leaving us to go live in a county care facility because of financial reasons. The care home she is going to is much more a prison, especially to a nearly 100 year old woman who was a survivor of the Holocaust. She was ordered when she was young, to place a pair of too small shoes on her feet and to march for miles upon miles upon miles with blistered, bruised toes and heels...

She lived the rest of her life struggling to walk and as she grew into an elderly woman, her mobility became harder..her body a little more decrepit, her skin a little thinner..But this womans amazing spirit never decreased though she became frail and later, suffered a stroke, disabling her from even writing a letter. Her eyes and smile still glitter like a thousand stars in the sky. Her wisdom never ever has seized to amaze me. And while some may not actually hear her when she talks, I not only hear her, I breathe her, I truly see her and feel for this woman who has been through so much.

She will now leave her cozy room, with the burnt orange sheets, feather down pillows and the smell of lavender and vanilla swirling through the air...She will leave the space where her clothes that she made herself are hanging gently, color coded, in her closet. Her yellow towels with her initials embroidered in gold will most likely get packed away and become lost amongst other of her belongs. Her white lacy curtains that blow in the window that can only be cracked 1 inch will be rolled up...Her makeup and threads, needles and fabric will eventually become pieces of her past. I can only hope that the pictures of her as a young girl, falling in love, through marriage and birth of a future business owner and a doctor, will follow her to the county home.

She communicates the worry of having roommates...her husband had been enough for her ;) And for only have one bathroom to share amongst the other people she will reside with..."What if I have to use the potty while they are in there?" She brought me to tears when she told me that it wont be long before we read her name in the obituaries...her picture placed with the others who have gone on to God...and she is afraid. She isn't ready to die..."But no one will take care of me the way that you girls have..They don't know me over there like you do here and I'm not sure I can start over again..a new place, new people..." she shakes her head with tears in her eyes as I sit for the last half hour of my shift with her, getting ready to say goodbye.

I hold her hand and tell her that if I could, I would bring her home with me and care for her until she is ready to go to God. She smiles and pats my hand..."Ill never forget you...Whatever man you take for a husband will be a lucky one! Youre beautiful and caring...Im not sure if Ive ever met someone quite like you..unique, thats what you are." And thats when I lost it...tears began flowing freely down my face and she tells me not to cry and that Ill have other residents like her...But Im not so sure. Ive had so many people who have touched my life in thier own special ways and she is no exception.

Ill visit her in her new home, though her depature will have been like a shot to the chest. As her family carried out her belongings and declined any help from us, I felt like I was losing a piece of my heart almost. Im really going to miss seeing this woman everyday. But she knows. And Ive reached out to her to let her know I love her, that it was a pleasure caring for her and that Ill be seeing her soon.

I hugged her, kissed her cheek and let go of her hand and turned from her. Began to hurry from her room but stopped in her doorway. Looked at her smiling back at me and I blew her a kiss. She lifted her limp arm up and pretended to have caught it. She laughed. And I laughed. "See ya later hun..." And she nodded like she does.

I walked away from her room and off to get in my car and drive home..which was a hard one and I would be lying if I said that I didnt cry the whole way. Thinking about her and hoping to God that she is treated well where she is going because there is not many pure, good souls like hers left in this world.

So I bid her farewell and goodluck in the next chapter in her life...for her book is surely filled by now, the binding coming apart from so much use. But shes the prime example of who I want to be at her age...one whos lived through it, been there, done this, that and the other thing. Shes left footprints on my heart~of a woman who has a great tale to tell in the latter years of life..not one big excuse.

Ill be seein you

XOXOX